Rituals - Understanding the Things that Connect Us!

Often, when I am doing presentations on relationships and social capital, I frame the process in 4 interconnected steps.  The start point is to bridge similarities, but when we find settings where people gather who have similar interests as us, we need to come to understand the rituals that drive the group.

Rituals are deep-rooted behaviors that the community holds as important. They are behaviors that have become so established in the culture that people hardly recognize them when they occur. But they do recognize when a member of the community does not follow them. They can be formal or informal, but they matter to the members, and they signal a connectedness or similarity with the other members when they occur.

Think about the various communities in your life, like work, or church, or even with your family. There are expected behaviors that have come to be developed in that community that people follow or engage in. When you first started to work at your present situation, probably someone oriented you to the company and job. In this process, they were teaching you the rituals of the setting. In a way this orientation is to help assure your success in the new setting, and knowing, then following the rituals help set the stage for cultural success.

A perfect setting to get familiar with rituals is at church. Even if you are not a regular church-goer, you can understand how ritualistic church services are. In my experience, from the holy water and first sign of the cross, to the standing, kneeling, sitting, and singing, all the members follow and manifest the rituals.

The key thing about rituals, however, is that they really signal elements of similarity with the other members. They continue to reinforce the bridge between people that are fundamental to relationship building.

So the next time you are at a regular community (family events, work settings, clubs, groups, or associations), stay cognizant of the rituals. Try to identify them, and realize the role they play in connecting us to others.

On Being A Citizen

Every year, when election season rolls around we are reminded of the importance of citizenship. We all know that for a democracy to be successful, all citizens need to do their part. Yet, how many of us have thought about citizenship, or what it takes to be a good citizen.

In the work we do at CLASS (Community Living and Support Services - www.classcommunity.org) we are always looking to have people think about citizenship and taking part in civic engagement. With the rights we have as citizens comes responsibilities we must also uphold. In a recent discussion with some colleagues at CLASS we conducted an exercise to uncover some of the key elements of good citizenship.  In this process we discovered the following elements that ranked high:

* Informed - Your can not vote responsibly or testify publicly if you are not informed. Practicing good citizenship requires good, accurate information.

* Active - For democracy and citizenship to work, it takes action on our part - action to vote, to attend public meetings, and to speak out.

* Responsible - Good citizens take things seriously and are responsible. When election day comes they vote; if a community meeting is held, they attend.

* Sensitivity - Citizenship is about society. We are a collection of people, and the welfare of each of us is vested in the welfare of all of us. Good citizens care about their neighborhood, community, and country.

So what is your take on good citizenship? What might be missing from this list? What other variables might you add to the mix?  More, what are you planning to do to be a better citizen. A successful community, one that is caring and respectful, is dependent of all of us to do our parts.

Friendship is for Everyone

Recently I heard from a friend of mine, a passionate disability advocate, who reminded me that the United Nations General Assembly has designated July 30th as the "5th International Day of Friendship. They (the UN) feel this designation will help promote peace through friendship.

The notion of friendship is a critical one to all of us.  In fact, friendship is often a concept that is thought to be so simple that it hardly merits any deep study or discussion. We all know that friendships are important but rarely do we ever think we have to work at the concept. However, the notion of friendship is critical, and especially for people who have experienced a disability, and there is much for us to consider.

Sociologists use the term, "social capital" to describe friendship. To the academics the term "capital" is one that relates to resources that can advance or promote a profit. They speak of physical capital referring to things life land or machinery. Economic capital might refer to goods or service that drive an economy. "Human capital" is often thought to b the people needed to do the work to create the goods or services.

Social capital, however, in the eyes of academics, suggests the connectedness among and between people. Research is now convincing that the more social capital people have in their lives, the better their lives become. We know that social capital is linked to health, happiness, and - listen to this - life expectancy! That is right - social capital, or friendship is antecedant to the 3 highest quality of life indicators know to humankind - health, happiness, and longevity!

Now this is powerful stuff and has real implications for all of us. We know as well that social isolation (the opposite of social capital) is one of the biggest challenges that people with disabilities and their families fear. This has been continually verified in our experiences at CLASS (www.classcommunity.org) and is now being looked at in the literature.

You don't have to dig too deep to understand the reality of social isolation as it relates to disability. We hear and see, in vivid ways, that people with disabilities have less friends and social opportunities than people without disabilities. In fact, in 2012 a Community Engagement Survey was conducted by the Interdependence Network (www.buildingsocialcapital.org) showing that people with disabilities have nearly two-thirds - yes, 66% less - social capital than their able-bodied peers.

This is powerful and penetrating finding - and begs for some basic answers and actions.

And like most vexing questions, the answers are simple, yet complex; but the actions should be clear. All people are better when they have more social capital - yet people with disabilities have less social capital - so what can we (you) do to help in this challenge.

To me the first action is to recognize, and admit this void exists. Next is to act on it - if you are a disability advocate, push for more understanding and action in the area of social capital.  If you are a family member of someone with a disability, demand that the agencies you relate to recognize the importance of social capital and help you with this issue. If you are a citizen with no real connection to the disability community, open your eyes (and heart) and consider building friendships with folks experiencing disabilities. Not only with they benefit, but you will be amazed with how this will enhance your life.

Sharing Ideas

I was recently in Key West with my family and some dear friends.  We had a wonderful time exploring the island, and joining in on the frivolity of Duval St.  We ate some outstanding food, especially seafood, heard some great music, and found some amazing beaches.  Watching the sunset in Mallory Square with all the other revelers was great.

But for me, the high point was visiting the Hemingway House. You literature geeks probably know, Ernest Hemingway lived in Key West for 10 years or so during the 30's and did some of his best writing there.  He would write in the mornings, and then troll the bars and clubs the rest of the day. He shared his home on Whitehead St., with his family and some 6-toe cats, where their descendants (the 6-toe cats) still live.  The house tour was fantastic (if you like that kind of thing) and for me brought me back to my early college years in the 60's.  I remember as a college freshman at Youngstown State University reading Hemingway and marveling at his quick prose, and descriptions done so crisp and clear.

As the son of a writer (my dad wrote and was the editor of our local newspaper) I have always had a drive to write and to this day, love the opportunity to share ideas in writing.  Of course, in this day and age, it seems that writing (and reading) are becoming a lost art. With YouTube and quick references of Wikipedia, the art of reading is becoming a bit lost.

Still, it seems that when I read something, as opposed to watching a clip, or hearing something, I am so much more impacted.  Neurologists feel that this is driven by the brains ability to see, or interpret what you are reading makes a deeper impression.  To this end, reading will always trump the other options for gaining and understanding new information.

So the next time you want to share an idea, remember Hemingway. Think about what you want to share and be quick with your prose, and clear and distinct with your points.  People will understand your idea in a much more impactful way!

Levels of Relationships

As we have come to learn more about relationships and social capital, sociologists have come to discover that there are 3 levels to our connections. In a way you can think about this from a circle diagram.  The outermost dimension, sort of like the crust circle on a pie, is the zone of acquaintanceships.  These are the initial relationships we develop as we come to meet people.

As people spend more time together (referred to as "regularity") and find more similarity beyond the issue that led to their introduction, these relationships tend to strengthen. This level, the zone of engagement begins to find people doing more things together. Back to our pie image, this zone of engagement is like the half circumference of pie, where you start to get into the fruit.

The last level, and the deepest, is the covenant zone.  Here we have people that we love and trust; those who are most important to us. We have come to know these people well, and they have a deeper sense of importance in our lives. In the pie metaphor, this is the center part; the juiciest section. Here the fruit is deep and plenty.

And staying with the image of a pie, the slices of a pie would represent the places (or communities) where we meet people and find the regularity of exchange. The crust is the largest quantity, the middle section is next largest, and the center, where the most important relationship rest, is the smallest.

And so, what about you; can you think about people who fall in these 3 levels of relationships in your life? Think back to how you met, and review what it was that made your connection get deeper. The more we think about our social capital, the more we will come to understand the importance of other people in our lives.

Stigma - The Negative Relegations of Difference

I am on a work team in Pittsburgh that just finished up a grant we are submitting to the National Institute of Health that looks at stigma and disability.  In working on this grant I have been doing a fair amount of research and study on the phenomenon of stigma, and wanted to share some of this with you.

Erving Goffman, who wrote a definitive book by that same title in 1963, defined stigma as "the situation of the individual who is disqualified from full social acceptance."  Some sociologist suggest that stigma, and its consequences, can lead to deep embarrassment and varying levels of social isolation.  To this end it has internal, and external ramifications.

Over the years, scales have been developed to attempt to measure stigma and one study that I reviewed had a series of questions that I thought might be interesting to you.  Think about these questions in relationship to your life.

All of these questions start with the phrase, "Because of my condition, illness, or disability, I...."   

feel emotionally distant from other people - feel left out of things - feel embarrassed in social situations - worry about others attitudes toward me - worried that I was a burden on others - feel different from others - feel people seem uncomfortable with me - feel people avoid me - feel people make fun of me - feel people avoid looking at me - feel strangers tend to stare at me - feel people tend to ignore my good points - feel unhappy about how I look -  feel embarrassed because of my physical limitations......

Most of us can remember experiences where we felt different or out of sorts and for the great majority of us, found ways to get beyond these situations.  Yet, for many people, their situations dictate they must deal with the difference they experience, and feel these devaluing issues everyday of their life.

Stigma is lethal and antecedent to bad things happening in social situations.  The more we think about, and try to understand it, the more we can work to stamp it out in peoples lives.

Social Rituals

CLASS just recently had our 65th Annual Meeting and upheld most of the traditions and actions we have done in past years.  This meeting, and the annual aspects of this gathering got me to think about the importance of continuity and rituals in everyday life.

In thinking about relationships and social capital we know that similarity and regularity are 2 key features that are at the core of "bridging and bonding."  When people see and experience similarity it creates a connection.  Such is the case with rituals.  When we come to know what is expected of us in social situations, the rituals, patterns, jargon and such, these social activities signal a similarity to other people in the culture, and fuel the endorsement and penetration of the new person into the culture.

These social rituals also add to the memory and the depth of the group.  At our annual meeting this year, we gave an award, honored retiring board members, welcomed new people to the fold, and cemented another chapter in the life path of the organization.  All of these things build memory and add to the lure of the culture.  As new members experience these rituals, they will be added to the memory and hasten their alignment with the organization.

So what about your community groups; what are their rituals and expectations?  Does the group work to include new members and help them understand these important elements?  More, what can you do as a member of the group to assure that new members feel welcomed and involved in the culture and social rituals?

Quotes - Life Lessons Simplified

Over the years, in most of the things I have written, or talks I have given, I have peppered them with quotes.  I love quotes, and how they can simplify really important issues in a couple of sentences.  To this end, I have been compiling quotes that align with some newer things I am working on now, and thought I would share these in this blog.  See what these say to you.

"Things which matter the most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least"  Goethe

"You can go without marriage, justice or honor, but friendship is indispensable" Cicero

"Ubunthu - I am what I am because of who we all are"  African Concept

"Of all the things which wisdom provides to make us entirely happy, much of the greatest is the possession of friendship"  Epicurus

"From everyone to whom much has been given, much will be required. And, from the one to whom much has been entrusted, even more will be demanded"  Luke 12:48

"In the end we are all separate. Our stories, no matter how similar, come to a fork and diverge. We are drawn to each other because of our similarities, but it is our differences we must learn to respect"  Goethe

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for these people who rekindle our inner spirit"  Schweitzer

"To be lonely is to feel unwanted and unloved, and therefore unlovable. Loneliness is a taste of death"  Vanier

Life is short, so think about these quotes and what they mean to you. The more you reflect on your life, the closer you get to your own humanity.

Passages - a Test of Social Capital

I just downloaded the new book by Sebastian Hunger, "Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging," which examines the impact of brotherhood and belonging.  A key element in Junger's thesis is that the power of the relationships formed, especially in military situations, create this amazing bonds.  Yet, when soldiers muster out of the military, and are separated from their "brothers," there can be a deep and difficult void.

This book has me thinking about the notion of passages in our lives, and how these junctures cause 2 strong reactions.  That is, when we find ourselves leaving any known experience, and moving on to a new experience, there can be major voids we have to face.  They also cause us be in situations where we have to form new relationships.  Think about it.

Graduation from high school, and moving on to college - taking a new job in a new city - leaving the military for civilian life - retiring from work - all of these are major passages that many of us have faced, or may face in our lives.  And these situations will test us, not just in leaving a known experience, but in causing us to forge new relationships.

The bottom line however, is that we all need to belong - to be part of a tribe - to be a acknowledged, accepted, and appreciated.  And none of us are exempt.

Passages test us, but building social capital in the new experience is key to belonging, and most of the time new tribes can take us to better places.

Finding The Third Way

I am teaching my Human Relations class at the University of Pittsburgh this semester and am preparing for my next class.  The course looks at all facets of human relations and I am using Steven Covey's book, "The 8th Habit."

The premise for our class tomorrow is that in every relationship we encounter some form of conflict - and these conflicts can cause serious problems in relationships that are important to us.  Often conflicts can stem from silly, or mundane issues, yet the fact that most of our relationships emanate from an emotional perspective makes these conflicts hard to resolve.

When conflicts unfold most people can dig deeper into to their perspective, which differs from the other person's perspective; thus the conflict!  So often the nub of the conflict is that people don't want to let go, and if they do, it appears that they are losing.  This comes out as a win-lose perspective.  A compromise here is that people might "give in" this time, but then expect that the other person in the relationship will give in the next time.  These kinds of compromise however, never really strengthen a relationship.

In "The 8th Habit," Covey talks about a third way.  Not your way, or my way, but a third way is sought out when a conflict arises.  This notion of a "third way" is what frames a win-win philosophy.

Yet, finding a third way is not easy. It takes work, and empathic listening, to really understand the other person's perspective, and then being willing to let go of your own agenda to help frame a third way.

So what about you.  Have you thought about how you might find a third way when conflicts unfold in your life?

Do You Have to be Social, to Build Social Capital?

For the past 50 years sociologists have closely studied the notion of social capital.  Most of this research has looked at the benefits of our relationships.  Indeed, the very moniker, "social capital," is defined as the value we reap though the relationships in our lives.  In these studies we know that people are healthier, happier, achieve more, feel more self confident, and even live longer because of their social capital.  These are powerful findings.

Yet, in my work with social capital, I have been more interested in how people, who are socially isolated, can build more relationships.  This is more of a practical focus on social capital, yet a critical one.  If we know that life is better with relationships, and we know that some people, due to their situation, are isolated, the key focus for me is in finding ways people can build social capital.

In our book, "Social Capital: The Key to Macro Change," Jeff Fromknecht and I look at a variety of ways and means for relationships to be developed.  e even frame a 4 step process that is associated with social capital.

Yet, in some situations, people are just not social.  In fact, given their condition, may have an aversion to other people or social situations.  This baits the question, can non-social people build social capital?

This is a complex issue, but I believe the answer is "yes." My rational for this answer is found in the fact that most relationships are not always 50/50.  Think about it.  There are times when you give way more than you take; or when you don't give very much at all, yet the relationship sustains.

Of course this is not as simple as the statement I just made; there is so much more that needs to be considered or explored.  Still, it offers a start point for consideration.  Even folks with a social aversion can build relationships that can reap valuable benefits, but this requires more from the second person.

So keep an eye on this blog as we explore some finer aspects of social capital.  In the end, relationships can happen for any of us.

The Art of Hospitality

Back in 1995 I wrote a book titled, "Beyond Difference." It was an examination of the notion of inclusion, and in it I explored the key elements necessary in a community to promote acceptance and involvement of people new to community.

When I began the research for this book, I thought that it would be an esoteric examination, and I would find deep and complex issues associated with inclusion.  Instead, after both academic and anecdotal exploration I found 5 simple variables.  These included "kindness," "generosity," "hospitality," "compassion," and "forgiveness." In the book I closely analyze each of these 5 variables.

If you think about it, all 5 of these variables are critical to including people who may have been devalued or left behind.  The book looks at these issues, but one variable, that of "hospitality," continues to challenge my thinking.  We know that hospitality is about welcoming people.  Some definitions of hospitality talks about welcoming the stranger.  Yet, in our culture, the idea of welcoming strangers seems to provoke fear.  In this day and age of terrorism, and predators, it seems the culture has shifted to fearing the stranger, even to avoiding them.

In a way, today, people who are unknown because they have not been in the mix, are perceived as strangers.  In a society that baits fear, these very people, though not dangerous or threatening, will remain unknown and the goal of inclusion will remain illusive.

So, how hospitable are you when encountering strangers?

Are You and Effective Organizer

I recently received a letter from a friend in California.  She is an astute advocate for disability issues, and over the years we have shared ideas and approaches to advocacy.  She was writing to tell me she had just finished reading my newest book, "The Macro Change Handbook," (Lapublishing.com; 2015) and felt compelled to share her thoughts.  I was taken aback when she said this is a "must read" for any advocate and was the "new primer" for organizers.

Indeed, any advocate knows that social change, macro change, only happens when a critical mass of people are organized to promote the change.  Regardless the issue, one person is almost voiceless and it is only when multiple people rally to the cause that change can occur.  So the effective advocate is one who understands the principles of organizing - and that is primarily what I was writing about in "The Macro Change Handbook."

The book starts with a comparison between micro and macro change, and looks closely at the overall change process.  Next it explores the notion of "power" and what we need to know to manage it.  The basic principles of macro change are then explored, and the book ends with a chapter I titled, "Street Smarts."

In a way this book (which all the royalties go to our nonprofit organization, CLASS, www.classcommunity.org) is a retrospective from my 45 years as an advocate.  I review successes, and failures in promoting change, but most of all, it is a sincere effort to recognize that all meaningful change happens with and through other people - through interdependence.

So if you perceive yourself to be an advocate, or have an interest in organization, I hope you might take a look at "The Macro Change Handbook."  In the end, a better community is up to all of us!

Are You a Leader?

I am preparing for a presentation I will be doing on leadership and have been going though my files and notes.  Over the years I have done a lot of leadership trainings and lectures. I guess many of these requests come my way because I have played many leadership roles over the years.  I have lead my nonprofit organization, CLASS, for many years, but have found myself as president or in a leadership roles going back to my high school years in McKees Rocks.

As I am reviewing my files however, I have been taken by the fact that real leadership is not necessarily tied to guiding an organization or group of people.  In fact, most of the key elements of leadership are things that can be found in everyday life situations.  In a way, we all can use leadership skills regardless of the role we play.  Consider these key aspects of leadership, and then think about they might apply to you in your daily exchanges:

Values - all that we do, can be tied back to our values, the things we believe and hold dear. So what 3 values do you hold about people and life?

Vision - where do you see yourself going; what is your vision about the relationships you hold?

Verification - do your actions reflect your beliefs?

Variability - how flexible can you be when dealing with people who might not share your values?

Veracity - how can you stay focused on what you believe, in the midst of diversity, and still honor people?

As I thought about these tenants, it became more and more clear to me that leadership is really about daily exchanges; in how we treat people; in how we carry ourselves. So, what type of a leader are you?  More, how can you continue to build your skills and abilities to be the best you can be in every situation.  That is the mark of real leadership!

The Disease of Social Isolation

One of the most celebrated books on social capital is "Bowling Alone," by Robert Putnam that was released in 2000.  I remember reading this book and being taken by the powerful overview of social capital (relationships in our lives) and all the good things these do for us.  Putnam explored all the key studies and reviews and made a compelling case.

But one passage in the book caused me to pause and do something I don't normally do when I am reading an academic text - go to the references and sources used to make the point.  Putnam stated that as many people in the United States die from social isolation, than from all smoke related diseases and illnesses annually.  This statement seemed unbelievable, so I retreated to the sources and was amazed.

Then as I reflected more on the topic and it made sense.  Certainly we know that when people are isolated, or disconnected they are at more risk.  We hear PSA's on the radio and TV asking us to check in on elderly neighbors, especially in extreme heat or cold weather, to see if they are ok.  And we can all remember back to that horrific terror attack on the US on 9/11, and the powerful notions that we all felt - that we wanted to just go home and see if those we love were safe.  This experience, as visceral as it was, is another bit of evidence of how powerful social capital is in keeping us safe.

Now, it seems that public health groups are beginning to understand this notion.  I was at a meeting the other day when the speaker referred to the "disease of social isolation."  It seems that as we think about the risks of life, the simple framework of relationships go a long way.  If we can have campaigns to have people stop smoking, or to eat healthier, we should also have campaigns that look to reduce social isolation.

And this is where you and I come in.  Those of us fortunate enough to have developed those life altering relationships must broaden our thinking and actions to see that others, and especially those at risk of social isolation, have opportunities to engage.  All of us can help in stamping out the disease of social isolation!

Transit: A Key to Social Capital

This past week I was invited to do a keynote presentation at the Ohio Public Transit Association annual conference in Columbus OH.  One of their senior officials had heard me present at a disability conference on social capital and felt that the message was relevant for transit officials and invited me to do their keynote.

As I prepared for the talk, I was taken by the critical importance of transportation in the engagement process.  We know that in order for people to build social capital they must be able to get to other people.  In a way, transportation is the bridge to social capital.

We also know that people with limitations in social capital, are also the very folks who have the greatest challenges in finding transportation.  Data is clear that the most socially isolated people are the elderly, people with disabilities, those in poverty, and other vulnerable groups.  These are all groups of people who have limited access to automobiles, and, in many cases, even public transit.

So, in a way, public transit officials, the very people who attended the OPTA conference, are the unsung heroes in social capital.  Through their efforts, they create bridges, and especially for those who are vulnerable, to other people.

To this end, we should all be supporters of public transit.  Even if you have a car, and have sorted out your own transportation needs, we must all work to assure that there are adequate, accessible, and affordable public transit options for those who are at the greatest risk.

Transportation is the key to social capital, and we all have an obligation to assure that ALL people have access to transportation options!

Discomfort and Engagement

I had breakfast the other day with my friend, Ted Cmarada at one of our classic Pittsburgh diners, Ritters. It is great to spend time with folks, and breakfast at Ritters is a haven for thinking and planning, not to mention the breakfasts.  In my 45 years at CLASS I have hatched more ideas, projects, or actions at Ritters than anywhere else.

On this morning we were exploring the important topic of community engagement.  We were looking at the challenge that often unfolds for folks who experience disabilities in the engagement process.  I was reflecting on how difficult it was to keep my dad engaged, when his Parkinson's Disease caused him to tremor uncontrollably.  How most of my dad's friends backed away from him, seemingly not because of his disability, but more from their discomfort.

This conversation caused both of us to think more about the role discomfort plays in the engagement process.  It seems that it is someone's disability, the manifestations or realities they now experience, that may cause others to feel uncomfortable, and in this discomfort to either back away, or make excuses from the beginning.  In a way, this is the critical variable (dealing with discomfort) in promoting inclusion and community engagement. 

I know that none of us like to be in uncomfortable situations.  Yet, to fully include people in the engagement process requires some level of discomfort.  To this end, we wondered how far would the typical person go in reaching over the discomfort barrier to engage with someone who is different from them.  In a micro/macro perspective it is difficult, I might even say impossible, to expect my dad to stop his tremors.  So the engagement pressure falls on the other person to be able to get over their discomfort and reach out to my dad.  This is truly a macro issue and challenge.

So, how far are you willing to go to include or welcome someone into your patterns of engagement?  How might you deal with your discomfort, or push your perspective to another place?  These seem to be the real questions of inclusion.

Micro to Macro

I met yesterday with a group of scholars from the University of Pittsburgh.  These students were a part of the LEND program, an effort to gather the best and brightest students in health care and think more broadly about the work they will be doing.

Their visit to CLASS (www.classcommunity.org) was to learn more about a macro perspective to disability issues.  Now most intervention in disability situations emanates from a micro perspective.  That is, the person with a disability is thought to have a problem or issue that needs to be addressed, either through therapy, medicine, or treatment.  The start point of this notion is that the person has some deficiencies brought on by their disability, and these must be lessened or fixed.

Now the micro perspective does work, but primarily when the person has some illness, or malady that can be changed.  But for many people with disabilities, both congenital or acquired, the issues related to the disability can not be fixed.  At CLASS we understand this and have focused more on a "macro" approach.

With a "macro" agenda, the effort is to change the perceptions, assumptions, or attitudes of the people around the person with a disability. Where the micro agenda is to fix the person to fit in; the macro approach is to change the people (or environment) around the individual to broaden their perspectives.

Obviously, a good disability advocate understands both approaches, but in the end, it is the macro effort that will produce a better, more open, and accepting world. For more information on a macro approach, check out my website, or visit the Interdependence Network at www.buildingsocialcapital.org. In the end, a better world is driven by a more accepting culture.

Virtual Social Capital

For a number of years now I have been a student of understanding social capital.  Since my first introduction to this construct, back in the early 90's, I have been fascinated by the power and potency of our relationships.  Indeed, studies have shown that most all good things associated with a successful life, health, happiness, advancement, achievement, self confidence, and even life expectancy, have some tie back to the people we surround ourselves with and the value they bring to our lives.

As I share some of the things we are learning, and look at ways that people can build more social capital, I often get questions about on-line relationships, and platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn, that create opportunities for people to build relationships - a type of virtual social capital.  People wonder if these relationships are as potent as actual friendships.

Sociologists who are interested in social capital are certainly attuned to the notion of virtual social capital.  We know that many people today are regular visitors to Facebook, Twitter, and the other social platforms.  In fact, I know some people who are seemingly addicted to these platforms and spend an amazing amount of time posting and giving status updates.  So how good is virtual social capital?

It is important to know that in general there are usually 3 key values associated with social capital. These are 1) Instrumental value - when your friends do specific things for you. 2) Emotional value - when your friends have your back. 3) Informational value - when your friends share things with you that are helpful.  When looking at virtual social capital, all 3 of these values can be present and seemingly are addressed.  So, on the surface, it appears that virtual social capital is just as potent.

Still, when you think about it - in spite of all the friends, and good things you reap from Facebook, there is really nothing that can replace an actual relationship in your life.  There is clearly something about looking someone in the eye, or getting a hug, or sharing a nonverbal nuance that can never be replaced by virtual formats.

Of course Facebook is fun, and can bide our time when we are isolated situations, but in the end, nothing beats actually being with other people.  What do you think?

Memories and Plans

As I continue to think, research, and lecture about social capital and relationships, I am amazed at the simplicity/complexity of this construct.  Everyone reading this blog has experienced relationships from the time you were born.  You might think now about the quantity and quality of your current relationships.  Relationships are the essence of life.

Still, all of us struggle with relationships.  We make mistakes, give too much, or give too little.  We all know that we could be better friends with those we care for or find in our lives. In this regard relationships are complex.

Theory on social capital tells us that on the simple side "similarities" and "regularity" combine as important ingredients that first bridge us to other people (similarities) and then when we see them again and again (regularity) we position ourselves to strengthen these relationships.  As important as these ingredients are, I have been thinking about 2 additional, simple ingredients that also fuel our social capital.

These are "memories" and "plans" and they are key to keeping, and then growing our social capital.  Think about it, with all of your important relationships you have a past that often is the fodder for your conversations and connection.  This might include how you met, and the experiences that have developed your relationships. Then with these same people, we often build plans for the future that bring on anticipation and excitement.

So take a moment now, to reflect on some of your key friends and bring back those memories.  Remember those fun things you have done together, commonalities you share.  Then, think about the plans you might have coming up.  This might include going to an upcoming game, or spending some vacation time together.

Social Capital is simple, yet complex.  Keep your eyes on the simple things and you will surely strengthen what you have.