Do You Have to be Social, to Build Social Capital?

For the past 50 years sociologists have closely studied the notion of social capital.  Most of this research has looked at the benefits of our relationships.  Indeed, the very moniker, "social capital," is defined as the value we reap though the relationships in our lives.  In these studies we know that people are healthier, happier, achieve more, feel more self confident, and even live longer because of their social capital.  These are powerful findings.

Yet, in my work with social capital, I have been more interested in how people, who are socially isolated, can build more relationships.  This is more of a practical focus on social capital, yet a critical one.  If we know that life is better with relationships, and we know that some people, due to their situation, are isolated, the key focus for me is in finding ways people can build social capital.

In our book, "Social Capital: The Key to Macro Change," Jeff Fromknecht and I look at a variety of ways and means for relationships to be developed.  e even frame a 4 step process that is associated with social capital.

Yet, in some situations, people are just not social.  In fact, given their condition, may have an aversion to other people or social situations.  This baits the question, can non-social people build social capital?

This is a complex issue, but I believe the answer is "yes." My rational for this answer is found in the fact that most relationships are not always 50/50.  Think about it.  There are times when you give way more than you take; or when you don't give very much at all, yet the relationship sustains.

Of course this is not as simple as the statement I just made; there is so much more that needs to be considered or explored.  Still, it offers a start point for consideration.  Even folks with a social aversion can build relationships that can reap valuable benefits, but this requires more from the second person.

So keep an eye on this blog as we explore some finer aspects of social capital.  In the end, relationships can happen for any of us.

The Art of Hospitality

Back in 1995 I wrote a book titled, "Beyond Difference." It was an examination of the notion of inclusion, and in it I explored the key elements necessary in a community to promote acceptance and involvement of people new to community.

When I began the research for this book, I thought that it would be an esoteric examination, and I would find deep and complex issues associated with inclusion.  Instead, after both academic and anecdotal exploration I found 5 simple variables.  These included "kindness," "generosity," "hospitality," "compassion," and "forgiveness." In the book I closely analyze each of these 5 variables.

If you think about it, all 5 of these variables are critical to including people who may have been devalued or left behind.  The book looks at these issues, but one variable, that of "hospitality," continues to challenge my thinking.  We know that hospitality is about welcoming people.  Some definitions of hospitality talks about welcoming the stranger.  Yet, in our culture, the idea of welcoming strangers seems to provoke fear.  In this day and age of terrorism, and predators, it seems the culture has shifted to fearing the stranger, even to avoiding them.

In a way, today, people who are unknown because they have not been in the mix, are perceived as strangers.  In a society that baits fear, these very people, though not dangerous or threatening, will remain unknown and the goal of inclusion will remain illusive.

So, how hospitable are you when encountering strangers?

Are You and Effective Organizer

I recently received a letter from a friend in California.  She is an astute advocate for disability issues, and over the years we have shared ideas and approaches to advocacy.  She was writing to tell me she had just finished reading my newest book, "The Macro Change Handbook," (Lapublishing.com; 2015) and felt compelled to share her thoughts.  I was taken aback when she said this is a "must read" for any advocate and was the "new primer" for organizers.

Indeed, any advocate knows that social change, macro change, only happens when a critical mass of people are organized to promote the change.  Regardless the issue, one person is almost voiceless and it is only when multiple people rally to the cause that change can occur.  So the effective advocate is one who understands the principles of organizing - and that is primarily what I was writing about in "The Macro Change Handbook."

The book starts with a comparison between micro and macro change, and looks closely at the overall change process.  Next it explores the notion of "power" and what we need to know to manage it.  The basic principles of macro change are then explored, and the book ends with a chapter I titled, "Street Smarts."

In a way this book (which all the royalties go to our nonprofit organization, CLASS, www.classcommunity.org) is a retrospective from my 45 years as an advocate.  I review successes, and failures in promoting change, but most of all, it is a sincere effort to recognize that all meaningful change happens with and through other people - through interdependence.

So if you perceive yourself to be an advocate, or have an interest in organization, I hope you might take a look at "The Macro Change Handbook."  In the end, a better community is up to all of us!

Are You a Leader?

I am preparing for a presentation I will be doing on leadership and have been going though my files and notes.  Over the years I have done a lot of leadership trainings and lectures. I guess many of these requests come my way because I have played many leadership roles over the years.  I have lead my nonprofit organization, CLASS, for many years, but have found myself as president or in a leadership roles going back to my high school years in McKees Rocks.

As I am reviewing my files however, I have been taken by the fact that real leadership is not necessarily tied to guiding an organization or group of people.  In fact, most of the key elements of leadership are things that can be found in everyday life situations.  In a way, we all can use leadership skills regardless of the role we play.  Consider these key aspects of leadership, and then think about they might apply to you in your daily exchanges:

Values - all that we do, can be tied back to our values, the things we believe and hold dear. So what 3 values do you hold about people and life?

Vision - where do you see yourself going; what is your vision about the relationships you hold?

Verification - do your actions reflect your beliefs?

Variability - how flexible can you be when dealing with people who might not share your values?

Veracity - how can you stay focused on what you believe, in the midst of diversity, and still honor people?

As I thought about these tenants, it became more and more clear to me that leadership is really about daily exchanges; in how we treat people; in how we carry ourselves. So, what type of a leader are you?  More, how can you continue to build your skills and abilities to be the best you can be in every situation.  That is the mark of real leadership!

The Disease of Social Isolation

One of the most celebrated books on social capital is "Bowling Alone," by Robert Putnam that was released in 2000.  I remember reading this book and being taken by the powerful overview of social capital (relationships in our lives) and all the good things these do for us.  Putnam explored all the key studies and reviews and made a compelling case.

But one passage in the book caused me to pause and do something I don't normally do when I am reading an academic text - go to the references and sources used to make the point.  Putnam stated that as many people in the United States die from social isolation, than from all smoke related diseases and illnesses annually.  This statement seemed unbelievable, so I retreated to the sources and was amazed.

Then as I reflected more on the topic and it made sense.  Certainly we know that when people are isolated, or disconnected they are at more risk.  We hear PSA's on the radio and TV asking us to check in on elderly neighbors, especially in extreme heat or cold weather, to see if they are ok.  And we can all remember back to that horrific terror attack on the US on 9/11, and the powerful notions that we all felt - that we wanted to just go home and see if those we love were safe.  This experience, as visceral as it was, is another bit of evidence of how powerful social capital is in keeping us safe.

Now, it seems that public health groups are beginning to understand this notion.  I was at a meeting the other day when the speaker referred to the "disease of social isolation."  It seems that as we think about the risks of life, the simple framework of relationships go a long way.  If we can have campaigns to have people stop smoking, or to eat healthier, we should also have campaigns that look to reduce social isolation.

And this is where you and I come in.  Those of us fortunate enough to have developed those life altering relationships must broaden our thinking and actions to see that others, and especially those at risk of social isolation, have opportunities to engage.  All of us can help in stamping out the disease of social isolation!

Transit: A Key to Social Capital

This past week I was invited to do a keynote presentation at the Ohio Public Transit Association annual conference in Columbus OH.  One of their senior officials had heard me present at a disability conference on social capital and felt that the message was relevant for transit officials and invited me to do their keynote.

As I prepared for the talk, I was taken by the critical importance of transportation in the engagement process.  We know that in order for people to build social capital they must be able to get to other people.  In a way, transportation is the bridge to social capital.

We also know that people with limitations in social capital, are also the very folks who have the greatest challenges in finding transportation.  Data is clear that the most socially isolated people are the elderly, people with disabilities, those in poverty, and other vulnerable groups.  These are all groups of people who have limited access to automobiles, and, in many cases, even public transit.

So, in a way, public transit officials, the very people who attended the OPTA conference, are the unsung heroes in social capital.  Through their efforts, they create bridges, and especially for those who are vulnerable, to other people.

To this end, we should all be supporters of public transit.  Even if you have a car, and have sorted out your own transportation needs, we must all work to assure that there are adequate, accessible, and affordable public transit options for those who are at the greatest risk.

Transportation is the key to social capital, and we all have an obligation to assure that ALL people have access to transportation options!

Discomfort and Engagement

I had breakfast the other day with my friend, Ted Cmarada at one of our classic Pittsburgh diners, Ritters. It is great to spend time with folks, and breakfast at Ritters is a haven for thinking and planning, not to mention the breakfasts.  In my 45 years at CLASS I have hatched more ideas, projects, or actions at Ritters than anywhere else.

On this morning we were exploring the important topic of community engagement.  We were looking at the challenge that often unfolds for folks who experience disabilities in the engagement process.  I was reflecting on how difficult it was to keep my dad engaged, when his Parkinson's Disease caused him to tremor uncontrollably.  How most of my dad's friends backed away from him, seemingly not because of his disability, but more from their discomfort.

This conversation caused both of us to think more about the role discomfort plays in the engagement process.  It seems that it is someone's disability, the manifestations or realities they now experience, that may cause others to feel uncomfortable, and in this discomfort to either back away, or make excuses from the beginning.  In a way, this is the critical variable (dealing with discomfort) in promoting inclusion and community engagement. 

I know that none of us like to be in uncomfortable situations.  Yet, to fully include people in the engagement process requires some level of discomfort.  To this end, we wondered how far would the typical person go in reaching over the discomfort barrier to engage with someone who is different from them.  In a micro/macro perspective it is difficult, I might even say impossible, to expect my dad to stop his tremors.  So the engagement pressure falls on the other person to be able to get over their discomfort and reach out to my dad.  This is truly a macro issue and challenge.

So, how far are you willing to go to include or welcome someone into your patterns of engagement?  How might you deal with your discomfort, or push your perspective to another place?  These seem to be the real questions of inclusion.

Micro to Macro

I met yesterday with a group of scholars from the University of Pittsburgh.  These students were a part of the LEND program, an effort to gather the best and brightest students in health care and think more broadly about the work they will be doing.

Their visit to CLASS (www.classcommunity.org) was to learn more about a macro perspective to disability issues.  Now most intervention in disability situations emanates from a micro perspective.  That is, the person with a disability is thought to have a problem or issue that needs to be addressed, either through therapy, medicine, or treatment.  The start point of this notion is that the person has some deficiencies brought on by their disability, and these must be lessened or fixed.

Now the micro perspective does work, but primarily when the person has some illness, or malady that can be changed.  But for many people with disabilities, both congenital or acquired, the issues related to the disability can not be fixed.  At CLASS we understand this and have focused more on a "macro" approach.

With a "macro" agenda, the effort is to change the perceptions, assumptions, or attitudes of the people around the person with a disability. Where the micro agenda is to fix the person to fit in; the macro approach is to change the people (or environment) around the individual to broaden their perspectives.

Obviously, a good disability advocate understands both approaches, but in the end, it is the macro effort that will produce a better, more open, and accepting world. For more information on a macro approach, check out my website, or visit the Interdependence Network at www.buildingsocialcapital.org. In the end, a better world is driven by a more accepting culture.

Virtual Social Capital

For a number of years now I have been a student of understanding social capital.  Since my first introduction to this construct, back in the early 90's, I have been fascinated by the power and potency of our relationships.  Indeed, studies have shown that most all good things associated with a successful life, health, happiness, advancement, achievement, self confidence, and even life expectancy, have some tie back to the people we surround ourselves with and the value they bring to our lives.

As I share some of the things we are learning, and look at ways that people can build more social capital, I often get questions about on-line relationships, and platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn, that create opportunities for people to build relationships - a type of virtual social capital.  People wonder if these relationships are as potent as actual friendships.

Sociologists who are interested in social capital are certainly attuned to the notion of virtual social capital.  We know that many people today are regular visitors to Facebook, Twitter, and the other social platforms.  In fact, I know some people who are seemingly addicted to these platforms and spend an amazing amount of time posting and giving status updates.  So how good is virtual social capital?

It is important to know that in general there are usually 3 key values associated with social capital. These are 1) Instrumental value - when your friends do specific things for you. 2) Emotional value - when your friends have your back. 3) Informational value - when your friends share things with you that are helpful.  When looking at virtual social capital, all 3 of these values can be present and seemingly are addressed.  So, on the surface, it appears that virtual social capital is just as potent.

Still, when you think about it - in spite of all the friends, and good things you reap from Facebook, there is really nothing that can replace an actual relationship in your life.  There is clearly something about looking someone in the eye, or getting a hug, or sharing a nonverbal nuance that can never be replaced by virtual formats.

Of course Facebook is fun, and can bide our time when we are isolated situations, but in the end, nothing beats actually being with other people.  What do you think?

Memories and Plans

As I continue to think, research, and lecture about social capital and relationships, I am amazed at the simplicity/complexity of this construct.  Everyone reading this blog has experienced relationships from the time you were born.  You might think now about the quantity and quality of your current relationships.  Relationships are the essence of life.

Still, all of us struggle with relationships.  We make mistakes, give too much, or give too little.  We all know that we could be better friends with those we care for or find in our lives. In this regard relationships are complex.

Theory on social capital tells us that on the simple side "similarities" and "regularity" combine as important ingredients that first bridge us to other people (similarities) and then when we see them again and again (regularity) we position ourselves to strengthen these relationships.  As important as these ingredients are, I have been thinking about 2 additional, simple ingredients that also fuel our social capital.

These are "memories" and "plans" and they are key to keeping, and then growing our social capital.  Think about it, with all of your important relationships you have a past that often is the fodder for your conversations and connection.  This might include how you met, and the experiences that have developed your relationships. Then with these same people, we often build plans for the future that bring on anticipation and excitement.

So take a moment now, to reflect on some of your key friends and bring back those memories.  Remember those fun things you have done together, commonalities you share.  Then, think about the plans you might have coming up.  This might include going to an upcoming game, or spending some vacation time together.

Social Capital is simple, yet complex.  Keep your eyes on the simple things and you will surely strengthen what you have.

Do You Live in an Age/Disability Friendly Community?

Along with my work with CLASS (www.classcommunity.org) and the Interdependence Network (www.buildingsocialcapital.org), I currently serve as board president for SWPPA (Southwestern PA Partnership on Aging, www.swppa.org). SWPPA is the preeminent advocacy organization in western PA on aging issues, and recently we received a generous grant from the Hillman Foundation to promote an Age/Disability Friendly Community (AFC) initiative in our community.

AFC was launched a number of years ago by the World Health Organization (WHO) to encourage cities, communities, and municipalities to promote the macro tenants necessary to an inclusive and welcoming community. In their efforts the WHO identified 8 domains that are critical to inclusion and hospitality.  These 8 domains include: 1) Community Space, 2). Health Services, 3). Communication and Information, 4). Civic Participation, 5). Housing, 6). Social Participation, Respect, and Inclusion, 7). Outdoor Spaces and Building, 8). Transportation.  The WHO contends that if a community scores high in benchmarks related to these 8 domains, it can be approved as an AFC.

A number of major cities around the world have embraced the AFC initiative and have received designation from the World Health Organization, including cities such as NYC, Sydney, Seattle, Portland, Atlanta, London and others. Our goal is to get Pittsburgh on this list.

And so what about your city or community. Do you think it would fair well in the 8 domain areas for elders and individuals with disabilities who live there? More, what might you think about doing to help your community be more Age/Disability friendly?

It is important to remember, that the next 20 years will see the greatest growth of elders in the United States.  As many of these "baby boomers" age, they will also experience disabilities. It is imperative that our communities get ready, and become more age/disability friendly.  And, at some point this will be relevant to you!

Do You Practice "Satisficing?"

As I continue to recuperate from my hip replacement surgery, I am finding that daytime TV has begun to lower my IQ. To ward off these ill effects, I have turned to do more reading and just started a book titled; "The Organized Mind" by the noted cognitive theorist, Daniel Levitin.

The book blends cognitive theory with the impact of information overload. Levitin writes about how information continues to grow, and our digital access becomes more and more sophisticated, how this overload can negatively affect our lives.

In the book he proposes many strategies and actions we can take to better manage this information, and one strategy he describes is "satisficing."  Its actually a term coined by the Nobel Prize winner Herbert Simon that relates to when something is not perfect, but good enough. He states that "satisficing" is one of the foundations of productive human behavior; it prevails when we don't waste time trying to find improvements that are not going to make a significant difference in our happiness or satisfaction.

An example of "satisficing" is found for most of us when we clean our homes. We do all the things necessary to make our houses cleaner, but they are never perfectly clean. If we wanted our homes to be perfectly clean we would never finish the task of cleaning. But when we determine that our cleaning effort is "good enough" we are deferring to "satisficing."

I know as a writer, I am often never satisfied, and that when I reread my work, I know I can always improve. But, at some point, I have to put the manuscript down and say, this could be better, if I had more time, but for now it is good enough. This is "satisficing" at work.

So as you make decisions on things in this age of information overload, think about the process of "satisficing." Things could always be better, but at some point you have to finish the task and get on with your life.

Caregiver Magic

All of my career as a disability advocate, I have provided direct care supports for people with disabilities. In the early years this support was merely getting people into the community.  In this pre-ADA environment, and especially in a city as hilly and inaccessible as Pittsburgh, we had to lug, lift, and carry folks into settings where engagement could occur.

As accessibility improved, it was easier to get people into the community, but caregiver supports were (and are) still necessary.  Making sure folks could fully participate included helping with meals, eating, and getting bathroom supports.  I remember flying to an out of town conference with a friend with cerebral palsy and midway to our destination he needed to use the bathroom. Imagine seeing 2 grown men shuffle into the airplane bathroom that can hardly fit one person!

Daily hundreds of thousands of people, some paid direct support professionals, other family or friend caregivers provide vital services so that folks with disabilities can fully participate and engage in the community. In fact, without caregiver support, we would not have community inclusion.  In essence they are symbiotic.

My sensitivity to caregiving was recently heighten to me as I had a total hip replacement surgery. When I came out of the procedure, I was fully dependent upon caregivers.  I was not allowed to make a move without a caregiver to support or monitor me. This need for total support was a wake up call to me regarding caregiving.  Up to this point I was always placed in the caregiver role; now, in this dependent state, I was the care receiver.  I had to wait, rely on, and in many ways, fully yield to the caregiver.

I know that I will continue to recover from my hip situation, and that my dependency will be temporary, but the experience of being in need, has opened my eyes to the importance of caregiver, care receiver balance.  It is clear that for full inclusion to happen, caregivers and care receivers must work together to assure that all aspects of engagement unfold.

So if you are a caregiver, either direct support professional, or family caregiver, keep sensitive to the realities of the care receiver. In my dependent state, I always found it empowering when the caregiver asked me, or incorporated me in the care process. As caregivers, if we just image how we would feel, or how we would want something done, we can never go wrong.

How Do You Measure Success

"What we do with our lives does not determine whether we are a success or not. What determines whether we are a success is how we touch the lives of others." 

This quote by Albert Schweitzer is one of my favorites. In two quick sentences he captures the essence of a successful life - connection with other people. What swirls around this quote is that the material things that many people think are the signals of success are just that - things - and in the end, what constitutes a person's legacy is found in their relationships - in their social capital! 

Sociologists have studied social capital and the results are irrefutable. The connections in our lives are the corpus of our healthfulness, happiness, and even our longevity in this world. Through our relationships we learn, grow, develop, and succeed. We meet people who ultimately help us get jobs, homes, lifestyles and identities. These "social influences" shape our attitudes, behaviors, and assumptions about the world. 

And it goes both ways. When we meet and engage with people we not only adjust, the persons we are with also adjusts. Sociologists call this "macro change" and it can be applied to most all major social movements throughout history. The acceptance of diversity is clearly linked to the social influences found in relationships, and there is no question that social capital is at the core of societal advancement. 

So, who has been at the core of your success? If it is someone you still see, acknowledge them. If it is someone who has drifted from your life, take a moment to seek them out, and thank them. If it is someone who is gone from your life, take a moment to reflect on their memory. 

Life moves fast, and it is moments that make life! 

Social Isolation and Morbitity

When Jeff Fromknecht and I were working on our book, "Social Capital: The Key to Macro Change," (Lapublishing.com, 2014) we reviewed all the literature to date that showed the power and potency of relationships in our lives. We found studies that showed that social capital was tied to health, happiness, advancement, achievement, and even life expectancy. It is amazing how important relationships are! 

To add to this, just this week a friend sent me yet another study (2015) that corroborates this thesis. Researchers at Brigham Young University conducted a study with some 3 million participants that found that loneliness (social isolation) is as big of a killer as obesity and as dangerous as heavy smoking. They estimated that loneliness can increase the risk of premature death by around 30%! 

The lead author, Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad stated: "The effect (loneliness and social isolation) is comparable to obesity, something that public health takes very seriously...we need to start taking our relationships more seriously."  She is right. The reality of social isolation is all around us; and for vulnerable people (elderly, I'll, or folks with disabilities) the risks of isolation are even greater. 

So what can you do about this? First is to assure that your relationships are stable. Work at them, don't take them for granted. Then consider reaching out to others, and especially folks that may be vulnerable.  Remember that social capital is a two-way street and you can make a difference in someone's life - maybe even saving it! 

How Many Close Friends Do You Have

For the past 7 or 8 years I have been part of a Social Capital/Social Justice Conversation Group in Pittsburgh. We meet monthly over coffee, with an open invitation and no agenda other than to discuss topics of the day, and how they relate to building more social justice through social capital. Members are free to circulate topics, often through articles or stories, that can help stimulate conversation. We always have lively sessions. 

Recently, one of our members shared an article that appeared in the Washington Post that summarized a study conducted by Chapman University that surveyed 25,000 people to learn the number of friends people of different ages, genders, and sexual orientation feel close enough to to expect a certain level of emotional support from.  The researchers posed questions like the number of friends they would expect to celebrate their birthday, or the friends they could discuss their sex life with. 

The results identified a core of between 8 to 10  close friends to fill this role.  So how about you? How many close friends do you have who could play this role for you? More, what can you do to build more deeply based relationship? 

Memory: The Glue of Social Capital

As the holidays wind down and we move full force into 2016, I continue to think and reflect on social capital and ways we can develop and enhance relationships. During the whole of the holidays we all spent time with friends and family, and the lions share of the conversations reflected back on times and experiences we have had together. We went down "memory lane" as we recounted the times we did this or that.

As I did just that with those I saw and spent time with over the holidays it spurred my thinking about how important these memories really are. In a way, social capital is really nothing more than the memories we make with people and the cementing of these experiences into the elements of bonding.  As we look back on the good times, we are building and promoting more new experiences that further our relationships.

I once remember being with some disability advocates as we had just finished a conference and were reflecting on the gathering and its impact; and one of my friend said: "this conference today, will be the "good times" of tomorrow."  And he was right! The experiences we are building today with our social capital, will be the fodder for reflection when we next see them.

Facebook understands this and actively feeds our memories by posting pictures of you and your friends over the years.  These photos boost our memory, and remind us of how important social capital and relationships are. This actually causes us to post even more photos of our good time with friends.

So as we move into 2016, celebrate with your social capital and build those new memories.  This will become the glue that will frame your social capital for tomorrow!

What Do You Think About Stigma

I am a member of a research group we formed at CLASS to look at and measure issues that people with disabilities experience. Recently we have decided to explore the notion of stigma and are in the process of developing a proposal we plan to submit to National Institute of Health (NIH).

As we explore the literature around stigma in preparation for our proposal, it has gotten me to think more about this phenomena in general terms. The dictionary defines stigma as a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. In all my years as a disability advocate, we know that disabilities, be they congenital or acquired, can create a sense of stigma for people. Quite simply, when a person experiences a disability they can feel devalued, stared at, or avoided by other people. The phenomena of stigma and disability is real.

When digging a little deeper, we learn that there are 2 types of stigma - one is "Internalized Stigma," when the person with the devalued experience comes to feel or believe that they are different. The other is called "Enacted Stigma" when the negative attitudes are expressed by the public. Of course these 2 types of stigma are co-related, but it is the enacted stigma that has really gotten my attention. Certainly people can feel awkward or different with the difference they are experiencing, but it is not until people in the general community begin to avoid, look down on, or disregard the different person, that the cycle of stigma gets deepened.

To this end, I hope you can open your own eyes to stigma. All of us are guilty of coping a perspective, or holding on to a stereotype that can create the enacted form of stigma in everyday life experiences. This then suggests that the only way we can end stigma, is to have everyday people come to grips with their biases, and bigotry and think again. When we focus on ending enacted stigma, the internalized elements will be lessened.

Stigma is a real problem not only for people with disabilities but for any difference in our society that might be looked down upon. Still, we need to address ways and means to create a better culture; one that respects all people and treats them accordingly. Only then will we start putting an end to the ugly elements of stigma.

Building All Capacities

Holiday season is a time to meet with friends, old and new, to reflect, and to refocus. In fact, meeting with friends and family allows us to learn what is new, and to share where we are in our own paths. Of course, the older we get, hopefully the more wisdom we add into the mix, and the more we learn from these opportunities.

In these holiday discussions with our friends and family, we will hear the good, and the bad. We learn about friends who are succeeding and those who are struggling, or on a downward path. For any feeling person these stories that sadden us should inspire 2 actions we might consider.  One is framed around how we might help the struggling person, something we could do to change their situation or help them during a bad turn. Sociologists call these external actions "instrumental reciprocity."

The other reaction is more internal, and that is when we learn from the conversation and think to apply actions we might do for ourselves to perhaps avoid the bad experiences that occur with people we know. That is, when we learn that someone is sick, it might spur us to think about ways we can make ourselves healthier. Or is someone is depressed, or at a low point, we could think about ways to keep our own spirits stronger.

As I get older, and apply these internal actions, it causes me to think about ways I can strengthen myself, in mind, body, and spirit. The great philosophers often talk about balance, and how people need to tend to all the important elements of life. If we care to heed this advice of balance, then we need to think about how we can keep our bodies stronger (healthier) through good exercise and diet. And to strengthen our minds, by reading broadly and reflecting often on all sides of an issue. Last, to keep our spirits bright by taking time to reflect, meditate, or pray.

Most of us have incredible blessings in our lives. When we reflect with our friends and hear the more challenging stories, we can first ask what we can do to help, and then internally use these situations to keep ourselves balanced and strong....on all fronts.  We can use our holiday reflections to help others, and to improve our own lot.

How Many Important Friends Do You Have

I just returned from a trip to Baton Rouge where I met with fellow disability advocates to talk about the importance of social capital in every day life.  We discussed a number of important aspects of social capital, but in a sidebar conversation a friend asked about the quantity of friends that would be helpful. He knew that our social capital (friends in our lives) enhance the quality of life, but wondered about the quantity it took for quality to unfold.

This question got me to think more about this notion of quantity of friendships, and drew me to a book I had read a number of years ago written by Tom Rath and titled, "Vital Friends." In this work Rath examines all the evidence that has been associated with social capital. He reviews things we know today; that friendship enhances our health, happiness, advancement, achievement, and is especially helpful in our work/business life.

He goes on to say that research suggests we need at least 5 important friends, however, to reap the benefits that social capital brings. Less than 5 key friends, can put us at risk of social isolation. And we know that being socially isolated can be very bad and, in some cases, lethal.

So who are your important friends? How many do you have? More importantly, how can you nurture these relationships to keep them strong and vibrant.  As Wadsworth once said; "Without close friends, the world is a wilderness."