Right/Left Brain Dominance

Neuroscience has now articulated that our two temporal lobes (Right side/Left side) control very different aspects in our behavior and personalities.  It is now known that our Left side is the more structured, organized, and controlled aspects of our behavior.  People dominant on the Left side are much more statistically focused, they make lists, are more logical, precise, and cautious in how they engage the world.

Conversely, people dominant on the Right side are much more macro in how they see the world.  They are more intuitive, instinctive, and driven by their gut feelings.  They are said to have a greater sense of emotional intelligence, are more social and interpersonal in how they relate to others. Music, art, and stories are influential and often carry the day.

Now for most, we are balanced in these 2 spheres of influence, but can lean left or right based on how we see and relate to the world.  We might have some of our bent one way or the other, but by and large, show a little bit of each personality sets of these frames.

One simple way you can get a sense of which side you favor is to clasp your hands, with fingers intersected.  Do this 4 or 5 times quickly and then keep your fingers intersected and observe which thumb is on top.  If it is your left thumb, then you would tend to be right brained.  If it is your right thumb, you are probably left brained. 

Certainly, those of us who are interested in social change should think more about these bents. When we related to others we should organize are approach by utilizing both right and left brain variables.  For example, when I have opportunity to share ideas in presentations, I work hard to share information in ways that might appeal to both groups.  That is, I will use statistics on some issues to cater to the left brainers, but then add a story or two to appeal to the right brainers.

So what side of the brain seems to be your bent, and how might you look to enhance the other, less dominate side so you can relate in a positive way to either side of this equation.

Social Capital Models

In the research done in the area of social capital (relationships) it is clear that connections with other people do good things for us.  Relationships are associated with better health, more happiness, advancement, achievement, better self confidence and even life expectancy.  With all these good outcomes, the natural question is how might you and I develop and enhance more relationships in our lives.

Although there are no exact formulas, we know that there are a couple variables that do matter.  One is finding similarities in interests and then discovering settings where people gather on a regular basis around these similar interests.  In this example, just regularity of exchange can be a critical factor.  Another important variable is the communication patterns people use to enhance the initial connection.

One other thought in this process is to observe other successful people.  We all know folks in our circles who seem to always be popular.  In discovering socially successful folks we might want to observe these "social capital models" and look for things that they do that seem to make them popular.  Notice how these people carry themselves, how they communicate, how they relate to others.

They say that social mimicry is the greatest form of flattery.  By emulating these social successful people not only might you enhance your social skills, but you will also be flattering some important people in your circles.

Quotes and Life

From time to time on this blog, I like to share quotes that I have found that can get us to think.  As many of you know, I use quotes regularly in talks I do, and in the writing that I share.  I love the impact that a quote can make, and so I have pulled some recent finds for you to reflect on.

"Always desire to learn something useful"   Sophocles

"The more a man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large"     Confuscius

"In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can"     Kazantzakis

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement; nothing can be done without hope and confidence"     Keller

"Of all the things which wisdom provides to make us entirely happy, much of the greatest is the possession of friendship"     Epicurus

"In the end we are all separate. Our stories, no matter how similar, come to a fork and diverge. We are drawn to each other because of our similarities, but it is our differences we must learn to respect"     VonGoeth

"The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best"     Epictetus

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will really be happy are those who have sought and found how to serve"   Schweitzer

"Life is made up of small comings and goings.  And for everything a man takes with him, there is something he must leave behind"     Rausher

Thanks for taking a minute to read this blog.  I hope these quotes might get you to think a bit more about your own life, and more, how your life touches the lives of others.

Oxytocin - All the Good Things It Brings

We all know that relationships, social connections, and social capital are good for us and that we benefit greatly from these friendships, but often don't know the essence of this value.  If you dig a bit deeper however, you will find that at the core of this value is the hormone, Oxytocin.  As I try to learn more about social capital it is clear to me that through our social capital we benefit from the positive effects is Oxytocin.  So, just what does this hormone do.

Oxytocin evokes feelings of contentment, reduces anxiety and enhances security.  It heightens social recognition and promotes a sense of pair-bonding.  We know that trust is increased by oxytocin, and trust is one of the core variables in our covenant relationship zone.

A recent study by Dr. Marazziti found that positive social interactions may directly influence health by lessening inflammation and allowing a better sense of healing.  This further corroborates the medicinal effect of social capital.

Even the simple process of hugging releases oxytocin, enhancing the feelings we have for the person we are hugging.  But more, just being with people in a social situation, sharing conversation, exploring new things induces oxytocin.  Even singing together has this positive effect.

So, as you think about your relationships, know that there is a chemical foundation that enhances these relationships.  To this end I recommend that we hug more, sing more, relate more with those people around us.  In the end we are better for these relationships.

Tribal Theory - Do We Belong

Often when I do talks on community and social capital I will sometimes liken them to the notion of tribes.  Most of us have some sense of what a "tribe" might mean so I thought this would be a good blog topic.

Merriam-Webster defines tribe as a social group comprising numerous families, clans, or generations together with slaves, dependents, or adopted strangers; a political division of the Roman people originally representing one of the three original tribes of ancient Rome.  Dictionary.com defines tribe as; any aggregate of people united by ties of descent from a common ancestor, community of customs and traditions, adherence to the same leaders, etc... The elders then impart to him the customs and traditions of the tribe.  Yourdictionary.com has it as: a unit of sociopolitical organization consisting of a number of families, clans, or other groups who share a common ancestry and culture and among whom leadership is typically neither formalized nor permanent.

If you "google" the word, tribe, you will find these definitions and others, but all these definitions look at tribes as a network of people who share a deep and common bond through some frame of regularity.  We often think of the Native American tribes, or the 7 tribes of Israel in a formal sense, but in reality we are all members of a number of different "tribes."

More recently 2 very popular books have come out with Tribes in the title, and have pushed us a bit to think about the realities of tribes.  One was released a couple years ago by the social commentator, Seth Godin.  He suggests that groups of people can be turned into a tribe by a shared interest, especially one that is passionate.

The newest book on Tribes is by the real-life novelist, Sebastian Junger, of "A Perfect Storm" fame.  His book, "Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging," looks at the realities of the returning veteran to civilian life.  He frames the military tribe and speaks to the struggles veterans have in rejoining civilian society.  His strong opinion swirls around the individuality of civilian life and the fact that tribes, similar to the military tribe, are far and few between. He suggests that modern society in the US has given us unimaginable autonomy and material bounty, but deprives us of a real sense of community and interdependence.

All of this is interesting and useful, but there is no questions that we humans need to be part of a tribe, and when we join, good things happen to us.  We feel a sense of purpose, and camaraderie, and can frame our self-image around that of the tribe.  We all need a sense of belonging and connections and tribes present this.

So, what tribes are you a member of, or more, what new tribes might you reach out to join?

Habits That Lead To A Better Life

I was invited to do a guest lecture for an "Organizational Theory" class at the University of Pittsburgh.  In fact, it is a class I had taught for some 12 years, but gave up 2 years ago do to my crazy schedule.  I enjoyed teaching this class over the years and as I was preparing for the lecture I went back to my original notes.  As I looked at the content, my information from Steven Covey's 7 habits caught my eye, and pushed me to refresh my thinking.

I am sure that anyone reading this blog is familiar with Covey's 7 habits, but what you might not know if that years after the publication of his best selling book, he refreshed his thinking and added an 8th Habit.  In fact, it was the anchor for his follow-up book of the same title.

For this blog I thought it would be instructive to review his 8 habits and ask you to think about these as well.  Know that in Covey's thesis, these 8 habits are highly personal and his suggestion is that we think about them in our own daily matters.  They are time tested (his original book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People" was published in 1990) and should be a review for some, perhaps new for others.  They are:

1. Be Proactive - don't wait, act on what you need to do.

2. Begin with the end in mind - Start any journey thinking about what you hope to accomplish.

3. Put first things first - always take care of the things that matter most, first.

4. Think win-win - in all your dealings look for both parties to gain.

5. Seek first to understand - listen closely to what others say and try to understand their point.

6. Synergize - try to mesh with that which is present.

7. Sharpen the saw - continue to do work that will help you grow.

8. Find your voice, and help others find theirs - Speak out and help empower others.

These 8 habits are not as easy as they might seem.  To live your life, and to relate to others in a way that values theirs is at the core of these habits.  They are good things for people, and for organizations to consider.

Social Isolation and Seniors

Along with all the work I have done for many years as a disability advocate, another hat I wear is as president of the Southwestern PA Partnership on Aging (SWPPA).  Our group is an all volunteer led, nonprofit organization, that is the premiere advocacy group on aging and senior issues.  In this role I am always looking to learn more about aging issues, and how SWPPA can address the big issues of the day.

This passion is embodied by our current "Age Friendly Community" initiative which uses the World Health Organization's (WHO) 8 key domains to analyze a communities openness and willingness to include and welcome seniors.  One of the 8 benchmarks is "Respect and Inclusion,"which given my academic interest in social capital, is really important to me.

This gets me to the recent report, "Older Americans, 2016" that I had a chance to review recently, and suggests a larger challenge of social isolation of elders than we might have previously thought.  The report shows some interesting trends that suggest a real isolation of elders, and especially older women.  Consider these findings:

* At every age older men are far more likely to be married than older women

* About three-quarters of men, ages 65-74, are married, compared to 58% of same aged women

* The proportion of men who are married at 75-84 doesn't decline, but for women, drops to 42%

* Men are much more likely to remarry than women

* Among people over 75, 23% of men live alone, with women it is twice as high.

* 8% of married elders are poor, with unmarried men it is 20% and for unmarried women, 27%

This report and data suggest that older persons are at greater risk of isolation and we know that isolation is a terrible thing.  Robert Putnam of Harvard University suggested in his 2000 book, "Bowling Alone," that as many Americans die annually from social isolation, as from all smoke related disease and illnesses.  This is a sobering statistic that should push us all to look at ways and means to keep all people, but especially those vulnerable from age and disability, as socially connected as possible.  Respect and Inclusion must be up top on our list.

How Could This Be?

I just returned home from 3 days of training I conducted in Ottawa and Toronto Canada.  Over the years I have spent a fair amount of time in Canada, doing trainings or speaking at conferences in every province in that beautiful country.  I always find my Canadian friends to be open, forward thinking, and gentle.  Like always, this was a good trip.

Every time I go to Canada, my friends there are always interested in the latest trends in the US and we usually have lively conversations.  This trip was no different with great interest in the US presidential race.  However, the core of this interest was in how America could be so far off the mark with one of our major candidates.  They could not understand how a loud, brash bully could have gotten so far in American politics.  They wondered how US citizens could stand for the misogyny and apparent sexual intimidation of women.  As disability advocates they were abhorred when they saw this candidate mock people with disabilities  They wondered about the isolationist perspective, and obvious racist innuendos of this candidate and how Americans could fall for this hateful message.

I felt very embarrassed and without any defense.  I meekly suggested that perhaps his followers were looking past his character and hoping that the policies were more important than his lack of civility.  "How could this be," they asked me, and I really didn't have an answer.  I not only felt embarrassed, but sad for our country that such a misguided candidate could have gotten this far in a nation that purports to value all people.  Where a presidential candidate for a major political party could threaten to jail his opponent if he gets elected.

I know that policy differences are important to some people, but it seems to me that civility trumps policy. This trip broadened my resolve to encourage as many thinking people in my world to vote on Nov 8, and insure that regardless of policy issues, we never elect a demagogue who only cares about himself and his businesses from representing all that is good about the nature of America.

What Do We Look For In Friendship

Friendship is a notion that is both simple, yet complex. It has been the subject of books, plays, sonnets, poems, courses, and films. A friend is something we all are, yet being a friend is something we all know we can do better. It is easy and hard, natural and contrived, again, simple and complex. Friends can make us laugh and cry, feel secure and vulnerable, even loving and livid.

What is this thing we call friendship and always take for granted? To understand friendship, and your role as a friend, ask yourself, what makes a good friend? What do we look for or expect in friendship?

When Jeff Fromknecht and I were working on our book, "Social Capital: The Key to Macro Change," (Lapress, 2014) we went through a process with folks we respected and here are some of the things we uncovered:

* Agreeable - we like people as friends who are positive and agreeable. We look for people with an "up" attitude.

* Flexible - Life is full of bends and twists. To this extent we want to be near people who are able to bend and flex.

* Available - Certainly we want people for friends who are available to be connected to us. This is not to say that we want undivided attention - only that we expect some access to those people we call friends.

* Listener - Because friendship is predicated on communication, we want friends who can listen to us, and are not judgmental.

* Non-demanding - We want our friends to not press us too much. Certainly we want some critiques from our friends, but we get uncomfortable when there are too many demands or challenges.

* Similarity - Although diversity can be the spice of life, we need some similarity to begin the bridging process. Think about any of your friends today - there was some similarity that started the friendship.

Now these are just some of the elements of friendship that we discovered. Of course there are others that you might come up with. In fact, it would not be a bad idea to make your own list. In some ways we can use these lists to help teach our children some of the basics of friendship; or more, for each of us to stay cognizant of in our own quest to be better friends.

Constantly on the Phone - Blame Social Capital

I do a lot of traveling in my work and have been interested in airport travel behavior.  More specifically, the constant cell phone use you see in all phases of travel.  Next time you are in the airport, pay attention to the number of people on their cell phones.  In Chicago the other day, virtually everyone I passed or saw sitting in the waiting areas in Midway were on their phone.

Initially this amused me as I thought these people, or the folks they are talking with can not be that important.  Perhaps it is boredom.  Anyone who spends time on the road know it is not glamorous as others may think.  There is constant down time, and the boredom can be amazing.  So maybe all these people on their phones are just bored - perhaps.

But the more I come to understand social capital, I am now coming to a new conclusion - this constant phone behavior is not boorish, but rather is caused by the power and potency of social capital.  We are so bonded with people that we need to "be" with them, even when we are gone.

Think about it - most of your travel calls are usually to/from family and friends.  Sure, we have the occasional business or professional call, but I would bet these pale in the face of the social relationship calls.  And, when we are not talking to friends, we are often surfing Facebook to see our friends lunch special, or read a rant they have about something or another.  This pulling power is caused by social capital and our cell/smart phones have now allowed us to harness and frame this power.

So the next time you travel and see everyone on their phones, don't shake your heads or be smug. Realize that we are all deeply influenced by our relationships and in a way, when we use our phones to connect with our social capital we are tending to the primitive urge of relating. 

50 Years Later

Recently I attended my 50th high school reunion. We had 180 of us who graduated as the last class from Stowe High School in 1966 (our districts were merged and in 1967 the Sto-Rox district was founded) and for our reunion some 55 classmates gathered together in our home town of McKees Rocks.

Although I stayed in my hometown after graduation and have lived in Stowe Two my entire life, most of our classmates moved on to other communities and/or states.  Some I would see from time to time, but most folks I hadn't seen since our 10th reunion in 1976.  It was an interesting and fun evening.

It also reminded me of how powerful early and regular experiences imprint on us.  As I roamed the banquet hall, spending time with this and that graduate I was beamed back to days in 1960 through 1966 when we were learning about life and how we fit into the greater community. We laughed and told stories, struggled to remember the details, and perhaps stretched the truth a bit when we reminisced.  In a way a lifetime had passed, yet it seemed like yesterday we reveled in the innocence of these days gone by.

These folks, representing some of my longest social capital, though we had gone on to our own paths, were bonded in the world of our collective memories. We hugged, laughed and even shed tears for the 48 graduates who were no longer with us.  Our personalities and, in a way, our character, was forged in our collective experiences.

After the celebration, we all went on to our present worlds, but this short pause, this opportunity to go back to these days gone by, served us well.  It helped me appreciate these long lost aspects of our social capital, and to recognize that the person I am today is vested in the people that I spent so much time with all those many years ago at Stowe High School.

Changing the World, by Joining the World

Recently I had the opportunity to keynote the "Every Day Lives" Conference in Harrisburg PA.  This annual gathering, hosted by the PA Department of Public Welfare, is one of the largest gatherings in PA of disability advocates, providers, self-advocates and families in our state.  The Every Day Lives agenda is that folks with disabilities should have the opportunity to live and do the same things that everyone else does.

My talk was focused on the fact that in spite of all the good intentions of services and programs for people with disabilities in Pennsylvania (and around the country and world) we have still not achieved a parity for people experiencing disabilities in every day life.  To this end, I suggested we must shift our thinking and actions from the current "micro" programs designed for disability, to a "macro" approach designed to change the world.  My premise was that the only way we can truly change the world, is by assisting people with disabilities to be a part of the world.  This means joining generic clubs, groups, and associations, and lessening (and nultimately phasing out) the separate programs and services currently offered.

Of course, this is not easy and will require the funding and goodwill of government entities, the refocus of current disability services, and the openness of the greater community.  We know that the laws and regulations all suggest that people with disabilities be a more natural part of community, still we mostly have a bifurcated reality - offset programs for people with disabilities, and the rest of the world.

I am convinced that the greater community will not really change, even with the regulatory and legal prompts, until everyday people begin to meet and build relationships with folks who have disabilities. When this happens, and people build friendships, minds and hearts will change.  Indeed, we will change the world, when people with disabilities join the world.

In fact, I think this is true with any type of diversity. The way to a truly inclusive world for any devalued or misunderstood group is when everyday people get to know them.  Through friendships and relationships we change the world.

Settings and Small Talk

Most folks who know me, know of my passion related to social capital. It is an area I have studied, researched, discussed, and written/talked about over the years. It is also an area that we have made central to our work at CLASS (www.classcommunity.org). And the drive behind this passion is simple. First, social capital is a concept for all of us; everyone's lives are enhanced through relationships. Further, it is through our relationships that we grow, learn, and broaden our perspectives - we actually become better people.

When I am invited to talk about social capital, or when people read my books/writings (Social Capital: The Key to Macro Change, LApress, 2015) I am often asked; "I get this concept and theory, but how do I start to make it happen(or how can I help people I support start)"?  It is a good, and important question; and it leads me to the topic of this blog. "Settings and Small Talk."

If you think of any/all current relationships in your life, you can track them back to some setting or place where you met that person. Somehow, someway, there was someplace that mattered! A setting is a place, a venue, where people might gather with some commonality or theme that is relevant to all.  In fact, if you think about the current settings that you frequent this framework might come to life.  Are these settings you frequent hospitable; are they welcoming? Are they accessible?  If you were a newcomer, how would you feel?  Are they attractive or accepting of new people?  More, have you thought about how you behave when a newcomer steps into your settings?

The second aspect is "Small Talk." All of us know that small talk is the initial elixir for relationship building. And small talk is a big issue. Think about the way you initiate with new people in your settings?  What do you say first?  What are safe topics? What are the topics that might throw up a red flag with you?  There is an art to small talk; and given that these conversations are the very first introduction to a new person, they become critically antecedent to a possible new relationship in your life.

Of course, social capital is a complex subject, with lots of variables and moving parts, but without a setting, and the initial small talk it is only a concept. Settings and small talk become the start point in social capital theory.

So think about settings - where can you meet people; and what is the premise behind the setting? And then once there, what is the best way to use small talk to begin to meet new people.  If this resonates, then social capital with that new person is possible.

Social Capital Timeline

As we continue to look at the concept of social capital, the importance of relationships gets more clearly into view. We know that the more relationships in our life, the greater advantages we reap from these connections.  We also know that these relationships benefit both parties immensely.

These realities have caused me to think about those important relationships we hold, but more, the long term relationships in our lives. Now folks who know me, know that I live on "Condeluci Hill" just across the street from the home I was born in.  I am surrounded by my family and still have dear friends from first grade.  My wife and I met in high school, and her family is larger and more intense than my own.  I have lived in my community for some 68 years.

In thinking about this I have recently developed a social capital analysis strategy I call the "social capital timeline."  Quite simply it is a listing of relationships in your life in a chronological order. That is, starting with your longest held relationships and moving forward in time, you list the people you are friends with, and the year you initiated that friendship.  By doing this you get a sense of the not just the important connections in your life, but the length and stability of your social capital.

Further, this exercise makes some strong statements about the value of loyalty. The friends you identify in your "social capital timeline" and especially those over 15 or 20 years are ones that are not only loyal but have stood the test of time.  So stop for a moment now and think about these long term friends.  Relish in the fact that these friends are your most loyal and have played an important role in shaping the person you are today!

Age and Wisdom

Often, when I am doing training related to change, I use a values clarification exercise that asks the person to identify their top values from a list of 60 possible values.  The respondent is asked to first identify their top 10, then to pare down to top 5, then 3, and finally identify the most important value.  The listing of values is comprehensive, and the exercise is very hard to do, given all the competing values listed.

One value on the list, and one that was important to me when I first did the exercise, is "wisdom." I have always valued wisdom, and have been drawn to people I consider "wise."   This notion of wisdom has gotten me to think about important value. 

First, what is wisdom?  How does it manifest?  How do you know someone is wise?  And when does wisdom unfold?  How does it accumulate?  Is it just a notion related to experiences, or is there more to it?

Often we associate wisdom with age.  We know that as we get older, we do get wiser based on the experiences we have over time.  Yet, wisdom is more than just the experiences in life, as we all know older people who we consider wise, and others who we would not identify as wise. 

So what is it that makes someone wise. Is it the thoughtful reflection and adjustments made to the experiences we have in life?  Is it the mellowness that follows the aging process - a type of gentleness fused through experiences?

In a way, wisdom is one of those values that we can't fully define - but, we know it when we see it.  So the next time you are with one of those people you consider to be wise, step back and think about what is manifesting with that person.  Try to learn from this and maybe, just maybe, you will find wisdom yourself!

The Old and The New

I was at a meeting the other day with some fellow  disability/aging advocates and an astute foundation director. We were there to pitch a project we call "Age (all) Friendly Community." It is actually an initiative of the World Health Organization (WHO) designed to promote an accessible, and hospitable community so that all people (including seniors and people with disabilities) can be a natural part of the mix.

In the conversation, our foundation friend said that often they hear ideas today that were initiated years earlier. She said something like "what is old can often become new" and this statement got me to think. When we look to advance some innovative idea, often they are rejected, not because the idea is flawed, but because the current system may just not be ready for the idea.

There are countless examples of this phenomena - when the system is just not ready for the new idea. In his book, "The Innovators," Walter Issacson articulates this to a tee.  He looks back in history and the literature to find the very first reference to a personal computer. He discovered that in 1837 Lady Byron of England wrote about a personal "analytic machine."  Remarkable not only because of the date, but also because it came from the writings of a women - very rare in the scientific field at that time. Still, this was some 135 years before the initiation of the personal computer.

I am also called to reflect on this phenomena in my own writings. Back in 1990, in my first book, "Interdependence," I attempted to articulate a macro perspective in human services. It amazes me that the themes I wrote about in that book, some 26 years ago, are now being taken more seriously.

So the moral to this story is to go back in time, find some of the ideas you were pitching years ago, and see if the system might be better suited today for these ideas. It might be that your rejected ideas could be ready for prime time. Remember, what is old can become new - especially if it was too innovative when you introduced it to the world.

Beyond Difference - 20 Years Later

In 1996, on the heels of my first book, "Interdependence: The Route to Community" (CRC Press, 1991), I published my second book, "Beyond Difference" (CRC Press, 1996).  This effort was a more personal follow-up to "Interdependence," and allowed me to ponder the impact of difference in our lives and in our communities.

The overall thesis of this work, and of "Interdependence" before it, was that the key to rehabilitation is not to change or fix difference, but to promote that community (or culture) get beyond the polarizing effects of difference.  It is more of a macro perspective to change, rather than the still common "micro" actions of dealing with the difference.  In a way it introduced the notion that if you can not fix or change the difference that seems to be the problem, how might the world around us change to accept the difference?

For the work we do at CLASS (www.classcommunity.org) this macro perspective sheds a new light. Most of the people we support have disabilities (or differences) that can not be fixed, no matter how hard we might try.  They are who they are. So how do we support these same people to become members of their communities?  Do they need to change - or should the change occur with everyday people around them?  In other words, how do we help typical people in community get beyond the difference they see with disabilities?

In honor of the 20th anniversary of "Beyond Difference," I have been re-reading this book.  This effort has both saddened - and emboldened me.  Sad in that it has been 20 years, a full generation, since its publication, and we (our communities) have still polarized people with disabilities and other differences.  On the positive side, however, I am more emboldened to continue the macro effort to promote culture change.  It is not our differences that divide us, but the judgments we hold about these differences that do!

So if you are so inclined, and this seems of interest to you, track down this book.  You can easily find some used editions for as little as 3 or 4 dollars on Amazon.  Just go to www.amazon.com and type my name in the search bar.  If you do, and get a chance to read "Beyond Difference" let me know what you think.

Rituals - Understanding the Things that Connect Us!

Often, when I am doing presentations on relationships and social capital, I frame the process in 4 interconnected steps.  The start point is to bridge similarities, but when we find settings where people gather who have similar interests as us, we need to come to understand the rituals that drive the group.

Rituals are deep-rooted behaviors that the community holds as important. They are behaviors that have become so established in the culture that people hardly recognize them when they occur. But they do recognize when a member of the community does not follow them. They can be formal or informal, but they matter to the members, and they signal a connectedness or similarity with the other members when they occur.

Think about the various communities in your life, like work, or church, or even with your family. There are expected behaviors that have come to be developed in that community that people follow or engage in. When you first started to work at your present situation, probably someone oriented you to the company and job. In this process, they were teaching you the rituals of the setting. In a way this orientation is to help assure your success in the new setting, and knowing, then following the rituals help set the stage for cultural success.

A perfect setting to get familiar with rituals is at church. Even if you are not a regular church-goer, you can understand how ritualistic church services are. In my experience, from the holy water and first sign of the cross, to the standing, kneeling, sitting, and singing, all the members follow and manifest the rituals.

The key thing about rituals, however, is that they really signal elements of similarity with the other members. They continue to reinforce the bridge between people that are fundamental to relationship building.

So the next time you are at a regular community (family events, work settings, clubs, groups, or associations), stay cognizant of the rituals. Try to identify them, and realize the role they play in connecting us to others.

On Being A Citizen

Every year, when election season rolls around we are reminded of the importance of citizenship. We all know that for a democracy to be successful, all citizens need to do their part. Yet, how many of us have thought about citizenship, or what it takes to be a good citizen.

In the work we do at CLASS (Community Living and Support Services - www.classcommunity.org) we are always looking to have people think about citizenship and taking part in civic engagement. With the rights we have as citizens comes responsibilities we must also uphold. In a recent discussion with some colleagues at CLASS we conducted an exercise to uncover some of the key elements of good citizenship.  In this process we discovered the following elements that ranked high:

* Informed - Your can not vote responsibly or testify publicly if you are not informed. Practicing good citizenship requires good, accurate information.

* Active - For democracy and citizenship to work, it takes action on our part - action to vote, to attend public meetings, and to speak out.

* Responsible - Good citizens take things seriously and are responsible. When election day comes they vote; if a community meeting is held, they attend.

* Sensitivity - Citizenship is about society. We are a collection of people, and the welfare of each of us is vested in the welfare of all of us. Good citizens care about their neighborhood, community, and country.

So what is your take on good citizenship? What might be missing from this list? What other variables might you add to the mix?  More, what are you planning to do to be a better citizen. A successful community, one that is caring and respectful, is dependent of all of us to do our parts.

Friendship is for Everyone

Recently I heard from a friend of mine, a passionate disability advocate, who reminded me that the United Nations General Assembly has designated July 30th as the "5th International Day of Friendship. They (the UN) feel this designation will help promote peace through friendship.

The notion of friendship is a critical one to all of us.  In fact, friendship is often a concept that is thought to be so simple that it hardly merits any deep study or discussion. We all know that friendships are important but rarely do we ever think we have to work at the concept. However, the notion of friendship is critical, and especially for people who have experienced a disability, and there is much for us to consider.

Sociologists use the term, "social capital" to describe friendship. To the academics the term "capital" is one that relates to resources that can advance or promote a profit. They speak of physical capital referring to things life land or machinery. Economic capital might refer to goods or service that drive an economy. "Human capital" is often thought to b the people needed to do the work to create the goods or services.

Social capital, however, in the eyes of academics, suggests the connectedness among and between people. Research is now convincing that the more social capital people have in their lives, the better their lives become. We know that social capital is linked to health, happiness, and - listen to this - life expectancy! That is right - social capital, or friendship is antecedant to the 3 highest quality of life indicators know to humankind - health, happiness, and longevity!

Now this is powerful stuff and has real implications for all of us. We know as well that social isolation (the opposite of social capital) is one of the biggest challenges that people with disabilities and their families fear. This has been continually verified in our experiences at CLASS (www.classcommunity.org) and is now being looked at in the literature.

You don't have to dig too deep to understand the reality of social isolation as it relates to disability. We hear and see, in vivid ways, that people with disabilities have less friends and social opportunities than people without disabilities. In fact, in 2012 a Community Engagement Survey was conducted by the Interdependence Network (www.buildingsocialcapital.org) showing that people with disabilities have nearly two-thirds - yes, 66% less - social capital than their able-bodied peers.

This is powerful and penetrating finding - and begs for some basic answers and actions.

And like most vexing questions, the answers are simple, yet complex; but the actions should be clear. All people are better when they have more social capital - yet people with disabilities have less social capital - so what can we (you) do to help in this challenge.

To me the first action is to recognize, and admit this void exists. Next is to act on it - if you are a disability advocate, push for more understanding and action in the area of social capital.  If you are a family member of someone with a disability, demand that the agencies you relate to recognize the importance of social capital and help you with this issue. If you are a citizen with no real connection to the disability community, open your eyes (and heart) and consider building friendships with folks experiencing disabilities. Not only with they benefit, but you will be amazed with how this will enhance your life.